


Keep America Weird

by nchardak



Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Gen, Multiverse Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nchardak/pseuds/nchardak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Interdimensional relationships never work out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep America Weird

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so. This happened. I just had this idea and I was like, "welp, gonna write this stack of nonsense" and here we are. Sorry, in advance.

America wakes up because there's hair tickling her nose. 

She opens her eyes, thick and heavy, because that's what drinking too much Asgardian mead will do to you, (that and the blurry fog in her memory of the previous night) and finds out the hair is gold, shiny and healthy. 

Fucking, _fucking_ Loki. 

Whoever it is (and she's starting to get a pretty good theory going, but wants to deny it for a while longer) he's using her as a body pillow. It'd be adorable if the situation were different, not that America is much of a cuddler. 

It's not adorable. 

Ok, she thinks, it's like ripping off a band-aid. A big, beautiful teddy-bear band-aid that probably wants to take her to breakfast or something. A band-aid who shares a past, name, and career with a guy who she'd never, ever consider sleeping with. 

Fucking, _fucking_ multiverse. 

She puts off the inevitable for another minute and tries to retrace the horrifying path that led her to this moment. 

So we showed up in a universe where the Avengers had barely formed, but some of them are older. Not...him...but especially Clint, which was really amusing to Kate, who took a lot of pictures to show everyone back home. Nobody really knew what mutants were? They're living in Avengers Tower, but there's never been a Mansion, or a Civil War, or a Skrull invasion. Something about Loki needing to disguise himself because his brother is here, but that didn't stop him from bouncing to another universe to bring a case of Asgardian mead back. 

Because we had a party. 

America squeezes her eyes together tightly. He (America can't figure out if calling him Steve or Cap is weirder) grumbles pleasantly in his sleep.

Yes, Tony Stark (really short, brown eyes, still drinking, still with Pepper Potts. So weird.) had declared that visits from alternate dimensions called for parties, and Noh-Varr had enthusiastically taken over the soundsystem, and that was that. 

And then...

And then Loki brought back that mead, and made sure that everyone with a meta-metabolism got some. 

In more ways than one. 

I'm going to kill him, America thought, I need to get out of bed so I can literally kill him. 

She ripped the band-aid off. 

"Steve," she said, loudly, wincing at the noise in the silence, "I need to get up."

He opened his eyes, still sleepy, "Oh. Uh. Good morning."

"You too," she pushes him off of her and books it to the bathroom, picking up bits of her clothing on the way. There's a used condom in the trash and she breathes a sigh of relief at the gross sight. The last thing she needs is an interdimensional baby. With him. So weird. 

She splashes water on her face and frowns into the mirror.

"I'm going to kill him," she says. If she keeps blaming Loki she firmly doesn't have to examine everything else about the situation. 

She'd picked up his shirt instead of hers. In her groggy state she pulls it on before she realizes and she almost punches a hole in the mirror, but grinds her teeth instead and takes it off. At least she's wearing a cute bra. 

Taking a deep breath, America opens the door. 

He's sitting up in bed, sheets draped irritatingly around his hips. He's playing with a Starkphone. He looks up as she enters. 

She holds up the shirt. It's the blue one with a white star on it, and they'd both been wearing it when the Young Avengers had crashed, and it was weird. So weird. 

"Picked up your shirt by accident," she says.

"Oh," he says, "it might be over by the door, you know, from when we..."

"Yep," she says too loudly, and goes to retrieve it. She hears him get up. 

"This is probably pretty weird for you, right?" he asks, and she busies herself looking for shoes and socks, "knowing me back in your universe and everything?"

"You have no idea, chico," she says, "no offense"

"None taken. It's kind of weird for me too. I'm usually more ... ah ... responsible."

She ties her shoes quickly as he pulls the t-shirt on. He's already wearing sweatpants. She tries not to look at him and leaves his room without saying anything. 

The living room is horribly bright and a terrible mess. There's alcohol bottles and various Avengers (Young and otherwise) strewn everywhere. There's clearly vomit in a corner and Clint is eating a piece of cold pizza from a box on the floor while Bruce Banner uses his lap as a pillow. He flips her a lazy salute. America ignores him and goes over to kick Kate and Noh-Varr in their shins. 

"Get up!" she hisses at their grumbles, "we have to get out of here."

"What, so soon!" Tony Stark's voice feels like nails on a chalkboard, "There's coffee, and soon pancakes in the kitchen!" 

Clint swallows some pizza, "She's probably embarrassed because she just came out of Cap's room."

Over on one of the fashionably-uncomfortable sofas, Billy cackles against Teddy's chest. 

Tony's gone, he's gone so fast America swears there's a sonic boom, and she rubs her eyes as sounds of congratulations waft up from the hall. 

"...gotta be what, eighty years younger than you?"

"Shut up, Tony, she's already weirded out by everything, don't make it worse."

(America can't for the life of her imagine this Tony Stark throwing Billy into prison, or Hulk into space, or trying to kill Cap, but that doesn't mean he's still not a dick.)

Kate is smirking as she stands, stretching, "God Bless America."

"I will find the universe where you and Clint are fucking, I swear to God, Bishop."

Kate stops smirking and Clint chokes on the pizza. 

Loki comes out of a bathroom wearing a familiar grin on an unfamiliar face and America launches herself at him, screaming florid insults in Spanish. 

It's Thor and Steve who end up pulling her off of him, and Loki gets some funny looks because he doesn't really look hurt, but by then Natasha saunters in and announces that there's pancakes if anyone wants them. 

Everyone comes out for breakfast, damn this universe is weird, and America nurses a cup of coffee and doesn't look at Steve, and they all eat pancakes. Kate makes a crack about Deadpool that none of the OldVengers understand, the lucky bastards, and then they're getting ready to leave. 

Steve pulls America aside while everyone else heads to the roof for Noh-Varr's ship (which Tony Stark was under strict instruction not to look at because they might be parallel universes but they're not parallel timelines, and Billy says "spoilers" and Teddy rolls his eyes.)

 

"Listen, America," he says, rubbing the back of his head in a ridiculously endearing way, "I'm not very good at this, and this situation isn't exactly normal, but..."

"There's no way can give you my phone number, sorry," she says, looking at the wall behind him, "Interdimensional relationships don't really work."

Steve visibly deflates, and America sighs and hugs him. 

"So, we're kinda in the middle of this...thing," she says, pulling away and looking at that wall, "but when things quiet down I can see about trying to find this universe again. You can buy me coffee."

Steve smiles, "Sounds good. And, uh. Good luck with whatever it is you guys are doing."

"Thanks," she says, and she'll deny that she smiled back, later, when Kate is smirking at her again. 

They leave, and then they end up in a universe where everyone's a huge asshole and they definitely Do Not party with the Avengers, and they leave as soon as possible.


End file.
